This afternoon, my dad and I are leaving for a week to go visit some relatives. I am excited to see my family, especially my cousin Olivia, who is seven, but I didn't really want to see them while I was still fat. They all are, and I wanted it to be a focus. I wanted to get annoyed at how often people told me I looked good or thin or pretty. I know Olivia will, but I mean, she's my little cousin, of course she will. I'm also scared shitless about how I'll eat when I'm there. Like I said, they're all fat. Their houses are stuffed to the gills of junk food and soda and there is a lack of sidewalks in their neighborhood and exercise equipment. I'm trying to stop purging, but I know that if I eat a lot, I won't be able to stop myself. I really don't want anyone to find out. Plus I haven't actually eaten in front of my dad in a really long time. I'm always telling him that I'm going out with friends and then going for a long walk, sitting down in Borders, drinking diet tea (because it has no calories) and reading books about eating disorders and fashion magazines. What am I going to be able to do with my dad always in the same room as me? There aren't even scales where we're going.
I can't believe that I'm going to see family I haven't seen in forever and all I can worry about is how I'm going to hide my ED.
:(
So anyway I probably won't be getting on while we're there, because I don't want anyone to see me.
